Perkatory

Stage IV: My MBC Journey

It had been a long day of work and coaching my cheer team when I finally got home. The day had been extremely draining and I was in a lot of pain. This pain had been a constant throbbing in my left shoulder, but this day was different because I could barely move my arm. I was truly concerned because this was something that I had never experienced before, especially for this long.

Finding Clarity in Mortality

Before this last week, I thought I knew exactly what I was going to be talking about when it comes to my life as a young woman with Metastatic Breast Cancer. I thought I would be keeping it super positive and speaking on the perspective changes I’ve been blessed with since October 2021, but I am exhausted.

All We Need Is a Little Love and a Lot of Luck

I was 15 when I first noticed the tightness in my right leg. It was mild at first, but as the winter of 2005-06 progressed, the mild tightness grew into something worse. I began to wake every night because my leg was so tight. After weeks of this, my parents decided it was time to do something.

Why I Stayed Away From Survivors

“My demographic,” I told my sister. “Can we say, ‘my demographic?’”

It was code, so that when we navigated the COVID-tightened New York sidewalks—chatting almost directly into others’ ears—it didn’t have to be “cancer” that they heard, “cancer” that I shared, like a little poisonous puff of fumes on the air.

How Cancer Taught Me What Really Matters

Hello, my dear reader. My name is Jordan, and I am a cancer survivor. I am here to share with whoever feels like listening a little bit about my story, and more importantly, what it has taught me. I am sure my story will sound familiar to many other cancer patients who may stumble across this. I hope you enjoy it.

The Interlude of Cancer

Breast cancer is unexpected.

Breast cancer is life-changing.

You cannot prepare yourself for what a cancer diagnosis will feel like and what cancer treatment will be like. You may have stood by the side of a family member or a friend as they navigated their own breast cancer journey. You may have participated in fundraising efforts and walked in a sea of women awash with pink to support breast cancer awareness and research efforts.

I Am Not a Bridge

“You need to do something about this.”

My sister said to me in the midst of her cervical cancer chaos. This is when I learned that whole buildings on hospital campuses were devoted to caring for people with a cancer diagnosis. Frankly, I was a cancer muggle. My transition from cancer muggle to cancer caregiver was an abrupt unplanned crash course. Let me acknowledge that everything with cancer is abrupt and unplanned.

My Work as a Death Doula

“Well, the results aren’t what we were hoping…” my doctor said, closing the door behind her. “But the good news is this usually responds really well to treatment, and you won’t have to do chemo.”

We talked for a while longer, and then she offered up, “I mean, I’ve seen people with thyroid cancer all over their body live another 20 years.”

I think it was meant to be soothing, but I couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t quite relevant to me. Not to mention, it contradicted her speculation just moments ago that my chance of recurrence after surgery would be very low.

Dear Younger Self, You’ll Come out on Top

Dear Young[er] Sam,
I want you to remember that you’re a heartfelt and passionate woman. When things get hard, taking a deep breath really does help. Sometimes you just need five minutes away from the situation to get a handle on it. Also, remember to grieve.

Things I’d Want You to Know

Dear Younger Self,

Things I’d want to know: you will have a son then a daughter. Both will have your luscious, loose brown curls and wide eyes wrapped in blankets of long, black lashes. Sometimes you will look at them and think “I would, literally, withstand anything for you.” And you will.