Perkatory

Running “Away” from Cancer

For years before I had cancer, I was a runner. I started in 2014, just doing 5ks and eventually training for my first 10k. In 2016, I signed up for my first marathon and ran for a charity team. The same year, I got to see firsthand the charity work, and I knew I wanted to keep running marathons and fundraising for my cause.

Sweater Weather

Last December, I finished knitting a sweater that I’ve been working on for close to four years. I started the sweater just before I began chemotherapy at age 37, diagnosed with Stage 3c colon cancer after my second child was born. During my cancer treatment, I was balancing the demands of parenting, working, and being a patient, and it often felt like too much to bear. But when I’d pull out my yarn, I’d find a sense of equilibrium, and I’d lose myself in the knit and purl.

Coping Rhythms

Cancer wrecks careers, family goals, travel plans, marriages, relationships, dreams, and, most importantly, our health. You might think that grace would be extended to a person battling cancer and carrying their family through the trenches, but it often doesn’t happen. Meanwhile, cancer screams to team up against these awful cells, but your significant other wants to bail.

Choose Happiness

Don’t get me wrong, cancer is f’in hard and filled with ups and downs. It’s a really crappy rollercoaster that we don’t want to ride but were forced to ride. In order to maintain a bit of sanity, I needed to find ways to prioritize myself and focus on self-care and self love. Nowadays, some people ask me, “Carrie, how do you do it? How do you keep a positive attitude?” Trust me; it takes A LOT of work and dedication.

Dear Cancer, You Don’t Care

Dear Cancer,

Not that anything in this world could have prepared me, but I never saw you coming. I was healthy. I wasn’t sick. I was able to do everything that I had always done. I have to give it to you, I’m rarely surprised by things, but you gave me the biggest surprise of my life. I never saw you lurking in the shadows just waiting to take charge of my life as I knew it.

Dear Cancer, You’ve Taken Enough From Me

Dear Cancer,

I write this letter to you to inform you that you may want to reconsider your approach. For me, you came on too strong, out of nowhere, and wanted to be the center point of my life. These are not qualities or characteristics that I look for, particularly in any aspect of my life that I am going to share everything with. You brought me to my knees and held me in a very dark place in the beginning and for quite a while after my diagnosis. I am writing to tell you to get lost and to stay gone. FOREVER. You may not understand why, so I have outlined some things for you.

A Toast to My Twenties

a toast to my twenties

at twenty years young, my friends piled into my car until every seat and lap were occupied and we drove until the odometer hit 100,000 miles in virginville, pennsylvania.

twenty-one was spent bar hoping with my uncle until the night ended with my head in my grandparent’s kitchen sink.

twenty-two was the year i graduated, moved, started over, and fell in love.

A Bittersweet Milestone

Remember when everyone in the oncology waiting room did a double take when you showed up alone so it was obvious you were the patient? Remember those sympathetic smiles because they were there for the same things but had grey hairs and weren’t trying to figure out how to get their son picked up from soccer practice?

Social Work is my Super Power

“So we looked at the results of the biopsy,” the nervous Physician’s Assistant kept shifting his weight back and forth and back and forth. He snapped his left glove a few times. “…and the results did indicate cancer…We don’t know how far along it is really, so we need some more tests…”

I laughed. Loudly. Right in his face. I was receiving the most devastating news of my entire life up until that point and I laughed.

What Do You Want to Do With This Time?

“You have to think about how you can make the best use of these next few months. Think of what your purpose will be.” My therapist said to me.

We were discussing positive ways I could refocus my energy and use this time. I was struggling with constantly looking back at the burning rubble of what used to be my life.