Hodgkin Lymphoma

Survivorship is Hard

Survivorship is hard. It never goes away. You always live a bit on the edge, wondering what will happen next. Or even if you’re going to make it through the day. I’m by myself. Live by myself, drive by myself, flying solo (to the shock of the friendly Costco lady today). If I didn’t respond to any messages and wasn’t online for 24 hours my coworkers Daniel and Savannah would check in on me. But that’s a long time. 

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a wonderful support system, my treatments were easy on me, and I went right back to my normal life after treatment ended. Oh, and I looked fabulous bald! The End.

Just kidding. The real story is less of a fairy tale and more of a comedic tragedy.

Survivor’s Guilt – It’s Up To You

It’s up to you.” I remember the hematologist saying. I have been misdiagnosed in staging and risk for relapse of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Without seeking a second opinion, or treatment options, I now have both and the incredible burden of deciding what treatment to undergo.

I Am A Cancer Patient Success Story, and That’s Great?

As my cancer survivorship is extending into my fourth year in August of this year, I’ve become reluctant to feel lucky. Luck is waning. Guilt is waxing.

Modesty

I lay next to another human, warm and comfortable and was filled with a wave of gratitude. Lovingly touched by someone who deeply cared for me. My heart felt like it would explode with happiness. 

Broken Together

Cancer has left my body. It no longer resides, but it has certainly left its mark. Diabetes, beginning arthritis, fibromyalgia, lung damage, heart damage, neuropathy, anemia, and much, much more still reside with me.

My Transplant Birthday

I’m sitting here crying at 8AM on a Wednesday morning, and I don’t even know why. Wait…I kinda do. Tomorrow’s my 8-yr transplant birthday. WOW! I should be so excited! Eight years is terrific!! Celebrate life! Do something big! Enjoy all the things!! Congratulations!!

The Other Shoe

I remember my freshman Honors College Orientation. We were each given a fill-in-the-blank paper. What are your graduation goals? What academic goals do you have? What social groups are you going to join?

How Pokémon Prepared Me for Cancer

Like many children of the early naughts, I grew up on a strict diet of Pokémon. I watched the anime every day and spent my free time playing the Game Boy games. The adorable monsters consumed my life starting at five years old.

Reality of Love

I’m a woman of faith. And my faith has gotten me through both cancers, and a myriad of other diagnoses. And in 8+ yrs since my original diagnoses, I have never once asked God to rewrite my life without cancer. I accepted that He allowed it into my life, and trusted that He had a plan. But today my faith is struggling (this isn’t a religious article, so keep reading).