Cancer

Dear Newly Diagnosed Cancer Patient

Dear Newly Diagnosed Cancer Patient,

First off, I am sorry you are here needing this, but I want you to know you are not alone, although it may feel that way. You probably think your life has stopped, but it’s just been rerouted. Life goes on for everyone else even if you feel yours isn’t.

Words Matter—but Supportive Silence Can Go a Long Way

Over my father’s two-month journey diagnosed with stage IV Esophageal cancer, he had a parade of visitors. Each person shared something different, many not wanting to share out loud what we all feared.

“He’s strong.”
“He’ll get through this.”
“We need to pray harder.”

Am I Still Loveable?

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, an undefinable situationship, a dating app phase, or you’re happily single, it’s extremely common to feel like cancer tarnished your dateability. Cancer comes into our lives like a tornado and rips down the homes we once called our bodies, leaving a pile of rubble in the aftermath. The emotional and physical baggage we are left with often feels like it’s made us undesirable.

CannaMoms Can

It is high time to abolish the stigma attached to cannabis-using parents. I am a proud bong-ripping, bowl-roasting, dry-vaping, joint-smoking mama that LOVES my kids to the ends of the universe. 

I am a CannaMom. 

Judgments, side-eyes, whispers, unsolicited advice…I face these criticisms far too often. Simply because I choose to be a CannaMom. 

Cancer and Creativity

Can pencils cure cancer? Of course not, but drawing with them helped me illustrate and express my cancer trauma. Their colors and potential were a powerful force. It wasn’t obvious at first. Yet the creativity of cartooning with pencils became an important part of my cancer odyssey.

Sleeping with My Caregiver

Naked and ashamed, I just want to hide. I want to be alone. I don’t want what he wants. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I lay there hoping this time will be different. This time, I will be more into him. Maybe it won’t hurt, or I won’t bleed. Maybe cancer won’t have the final say.

The Luckiest Girl Around

I’ve spent a lot of time in my adult life joking about being cursed. Let’s face it, based on my track record, it’s an applicable joke.

When I was diagnosed with my first cancer over a decade ago, I was so damn scared. God, how I begged the Universe. Please, please no. Not this. But of course, the Universe doesn’t work that way, and cancer it was.

My Hidden Secret

To those whom I have lost along the way, I honor you. Dwayne. Luca. Sam. Dieter. Isabella.

Anger. Pain. Resentment. Emotions of such high negative value, but the hidden side of being a Cancer Survivor.

What are the thoughts towards what it means to be a Survivor? While my story of Cancer began in February of 2020, with a radical orchiectomy (removal of testicle and surrounding tissue), I’ve known Cancer my entire life.

The Weight of Living

It was a beautiful sunny day when I found out she had passed.

I was just becoming accustomed to a new tradition—stopping for gas station hot chocolate. It was a ritual I had begun after starting physical therapy to regain use of my right arm after the three surgeries I had.

It Must Be Me

As I lay there screaming into the ground, nothing came out, not even a faint puff of air. I had cried so many tears the day before from anger, frustration, and grief. I let my face just scrape up against the cold ground. It was the only way I could force myself to feel again: frigid ground attempting to wake me up. Waiting for Ashton Kutcher to tap me on the shoulder and exclaim, “YOU’VE BEEN PUNKED!”