Cancer
Comfortably Coping
When I think of Cancer, I think of survival. I’m not talking survival rates. No one wants to hear about that. I’m talking about pure daily survival. The everyday waking up and doing life tasks. I’ve learned that there is not a single thing that helps me through the daily monotony of living with Cancer. It’s more of a concoction; a little bit of this, a dab of that.
Read More...The Unspoken Cancer
Cervical cancer is one of the cancers you don’t hear about. If you haven’t been impacted by cervical cancer, you don’t talk about it.
I want to share my story because I want to make sure every one understands there is no shame in being diagnosed with cervical cancer. In this age and time, it’s hard to find a space and people to talk to who can relate to what you’re about to go through, are going through, or have gone through—to ask questions or to just even have an ear to listen to you.
Read More...Coping with Cancer and Isolation
Amidst the coloring books, fluffy blankets, and influx of letters that people provide to support you while facing cancer, it can still be incredibly isolating. While they’re incredibly kind and thoughtful, they do not possess the power to make you feel any less alone. You can be surrounded by a community of people who love and support you and still feel isolated.
Read More...How the Berating Surgeon Lost Her Power Over Me
Before the vaccine was available to the layperson, when the CDC was recommending double masking in public, in January of 2021, I attended my diagnostic breast biopsy alone. Double masked and still carrying the weight of my postpartum anxiety that caused a debilitating fear of germs, I entered the small, stuffy waiting room, forced to sit very close to my nervous comrades.
Read More...Year Three: Mentally I’m… I Don’t Know
Who could ever forget 2020? Certainly not me. It will go down in history as a catastrophic year full of loss, grief, anguish, and unpredictability. If it wasn’t you yourself, you knew someone directly affected by the COVID-19 fallout: illness, job loss, struggling to stay afloat, etc. 2020 was an inescapable year. And I was no different…but for a different reason.
Read More...Storm of Words
Woody Guthrie cried out
into the rising dust,
singing,
“I’ve heard a storm
of words in me” ––
A storm of words…
Actions Are Greater Than Words
It warms my heart when I hear people call me “Brave” or “ Strong.” However, I don’t feel brave or strong…at all. I feel weak and broken. I feel like a rug was pulled from underneath me. I feel like a beginner magic act where the magician removes the tablecloth from under the dishes, and instead of standing up straight like it’s supposed to, they all fall down and break into pieces.
Read More...Meeting Myself for the First Time
Boundaries—such a scary term and concept for someone like me who was raised without a solid understanding of healthy boundaries. I grew up being the perpetual “go-to” person in my family and in so many other areas of my life. I was always there for everyone else, regardless of my own needs. This was my way of life for 28 years, until cancer intervened, forcing me to reevaluate everything in my life.
Read More...A Way With Words
You never know what you’ll find out about yourself when you put it down in writing; you can learn so much. You can say things you wouldn’t dream of saying out loud. You can be frank with yourself in ways that you can’t be with your partner, your mother, your best friend. You can tell the truth.
Read More...The Language of Cancer: “Stay Strong” and Other Meaningless Platitudes
Navigating the language of cancer is one side effect of diagnosis that no doctor or checklist mentions. A cancer diagnosis becomes an exploration of identity, one that seems to evolve constantly. Survivor versus patient. Warrior versus, well, we’re still looking for an alternate care-forward word. That’s the crux of it.
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