Breast Cancer

Avoid Pregnancy as You Were Told

I was 36 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Premenopausal. What some might describe as “childbearing age,” though I did not have children, nor did I have any intention of having them.

My cancer was hormone-positive, meaning that the tumor fed on the hormones produced by my reproductive organs, estrogen, and progesterone. This meant that, even more so than with most young cancer patients with a uterus, fertility was a part of the early conversations with my oncologist.

Heartbeats of Chemo

As I pulled into the parking lot in March 2020, I noticed how empty the clinic was. Only a few cars freckle the spaces, most in the employee section off to the right. At the door, I am greeted by a woman wearing a surgical mask and holding a thermometer.

Cancer Isn’t a Battle of Winning or Losing

I was diagnosed with Stage 2B breast cancer at the age of 36 in February 2021. From February of 2021 to July of 2022, I endured a total mastectomy, DIEP flap reconstruction, 4 rounds of the “red devil” chemo, an axillary node dissection resulting in the loss of 20 lymph nodes, 33 rounds of radiation to my left breast, a total hysterectomy, daily doses of anastrozole, multiple recurrence scares, and countless scans.

Chemo Kitty

Meet Ginger, my chemo kitty. She’s the pet I adopted after swearing I’d never get another pet, after my last cat Xena died a few years ago. Uh-uh. That litter box needing constant cleaning. The pet sitting logistics. That pungent cat food aroma. None of this appealed to me as I was going forward in life and time. But circumstances were different with cancer in the time of COVID.

Lessons Learned with Lisa: Self Care

You are not alone if . . .

No one prepared you for how difficult survivorship would be
Cancer crosses your mind every single day, even years out of treatment
There are things, places, smells, and phrases that immediately trigger your anxiety
You are still figuring out how to incorporate self-care into your daily routine

The Interlude of Cancer

Breast cancer is unexpected.

Breast cancer is life-changing.

You cannot prepare yourself for what a cancer diagnosis will feel like and what cancer treatment will be like. You may have stood by the side of a family member or a friend as they navigated their own breast cancer journey. You may have participated in fundraising efforts and walked in a sea of women awash with pink to support breast cancer awareness and research efforts.

This is My Journey So Far

It’s been a long past two and a half years for me. The pandemic hit me hard. I lost my grandfather and grandmother due to COVID, lost my job, and had two minor surgeries on my uterus for fibroids one year apart. Just when I thought it was about to be a good year in 2022, February 23, 2022 is when it all started.

Am I Surviving “Right”?

I thought I had never experienced survivor’s guilt. The idea of guilt over surviving didn’t fit with the way I understand my feelings about the trauma of cancer, which we know can have many layers for us young adults. In the losses I’ve experienced since becoming a part of this community, I have felt utter heartbreak, outrage at how unfair life can be, and despair over the realization that we are not in control. But not guilt over being alive. Or so I thought.

Rise

Through tired eyes
Remains a flicker of life’s sparkle
Dimmed, but never to go out
A new perspective
Emboldened truths

Unintentionally Sharp

I hate that I loved it most
at its weakest
I did not eat dry toast
or monotonous meals
My secret was dying a little
while trying not to die a lot