Dear Cancer, I Never Agreed to be With You

Dear Cancer,

May 1, 2022, will be our four-year anniversary. From day one, this “relationship” has only been one sided. I never agreed to be with you and for this to be a “‘till death do us part” commitment.  I don’t even know how we became an “item.” I have been fighting for our “divorce” (numerous chemo regimens) to no avail. Now we are in a vicious, painful, unpredictable trial (clinical trial). Will the Judge (God/my oncologist) side with me or with you?  You are a master of deception and disguise. Just when I thought you were finally going to leave me in September of 2019, you decided to go from my breast to my brain. I had to undergo emergency brain surgery one Sunday morning only to wake up partially paralyzed. You thought I was done and that you had won. But guess what? I won that battle! I spent a long time in physical rehabilitation, and guess what? I am still here. Tit for tat. They said I would not speak until two weeks post-op. Guess what? I spoke within hours of recovery. They said I would not walk unassisted for six months to a year, and I went home in October and was walking unassisted by December. They said I would not walk in heels for at least two years, and I have a new collection of heels.  You are the most abusive asshole that anyone could have imagined.   You have punched, injured, and mutilated my organs in so many ways but you will never take my wittiness, spunk, sarcasm, sense of humor, persistence, perseverance, or hope away. You haven’t been all bad. You did show me who my true friends were because when you disfigured me, the bad friends left because I wasn’t pretty enough to be seen with them. You took my beautiful, wavy chocolate brown hair away, and a true friend told me that hair does not define me. She was right. You have attacked my liver and I healed. Now you are attacking my liver and brain again, but guess what? I will win. Only at the end of that clinical trial (October 2022) will the verdict be rendered if I can be divorced from you.  

This article was featured in the 2022 Dear Cancer issue of Elephants and Tea Magazine! Click here to read our magazine issues.