Survivorship

Carcinoma

A cold
Weight loss I was happy about
Chest pain
Hard to breath
Doctor said bronchitis
Then pleurisy

Wait
What’s this weird bump
Doctor said swelling
Wait
It’s bigger now
Doctor said time for a CT scan
Wait

I Left Her Behind

I left her behind.
It wasn’t my decision.
I miss her.
Not one day goes by that I don’t think of her.

I close my eyes and she’s there.
I think she’s imperfectly beautiful.
Easy on my eyes, if only in my eyes.

My Life. The Comet.

Before cancer, writing wasn’t something I enjoyed. It was a chore. Something I did at work or for school. Much like all things I dislike, I avoided it. Then, when I was at my lowest point, writing found me. Pushed me to pick it up, toss my feelings out, and move ahead. Finding community during treatment was intimidating for me.

How I Overcame My Fears During Thyroid Cancer By Using My Faith

Two years ago I went through total thyroidectomy surgery on June 3rd, 2020. Since I was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma thyroid cancer on June 5th, 2020, it felt like my whole world has turned upside down. It’s like I was in a downward spiral with all the emotions of feeling lost, lonely, depressed, and angry when I found out that I was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma thyroid cancer.

My Medicine for My Medicines

Cannabis is commonly known by one of its aliases: Weed, Marijuana, Pot, Mary Jane, Ganja, Chronic, Loud, among many others. However, I like to refer to Reefer as my Plant Medicine.

To me, it is undeniable that cannabis is the most heroic plant on earth. I use it for its magnificent healing, analgesic, and anti-inflammatory properties. I love its perfume – a heavenly, aromatic bouquet, with slight, yet noticeable, variations between strains. It is my most treasured plant. 

What Was Not Unseen

When I saw this prompt I thought, “No problem. This will be easy!” Over time I found myself jotting things down. Like how I had absolutely no energy or motivation, how excruciating my pain can really be after a long day, or how the mere thought of breast cancer returning is like being trapped in a never-ending game of Russian roulette. I found myself writing about all the guilt I felt as a survivor. How sad my heart was to have had to put my daughter, husband, and immediate family through such a heartbreaking experience over the past seven years.

Aging Gracefully Out of AYA

At 33 I was hooked booked and totally cooked—not in a good way. I was diagnosed with bladder cancer a month before my 34th birthday. I was chasing a diagnosis for over a year and my PCP sucked. In short, I have really hateful feelings toward her. 

She told me that it’s all in my head; it’s all because I’m a woman! And it’s my uterus! it’s the fibroids! It’s probably the two C-sections you had, and last resort: “it’s your weight” that is causing all this abdominal pain. 

Life After Ringing the Bell

As I sit at my dining room table thinking to myself “the unseen challenges of survivorship. . .”, I am taken back to the time when I blogged about my cancer journey with a nice smelling candle lit, Dave Matthews playing in the background, and drinking hot tea. Writing my blog was my form of therapy. I was able to express myself in a manner that I had never experienced before.

A Toast to My Twenties

a toast to my twenties

at twenty years young, my friends piled into my car until every seat and lap were occupied and we drove until the odometer hit 100,000 miles in virginville, pennsylvania.

twenty-one was spent bar hoping with my uncle until the night ended with my head in my grandparent’s kitchen sink.

twenty-two was the year i graduated, moved, started over, and fell in love.

The AYA of it All

For some reason, possibly media desensitization, I always thought I would get cancer, I just always thought I would be old. I envisioned being in my late sixties or seventies and we would be so technologically evolved as a society that it would be a single doctor appointment or single surgery that would take care of it.