Reflections with Rachel

Dear Cancer, I am Still the Author of my Own Story

I am learning that while I may not be in control, I am still the author of my own story

You, cancer, are lurking in the shadows,
Waiting for a moment to appear again
in the tender skin on my clavicle.

Moving Through Anger

The Summer of 2018 I began grasping at straws, in search of something permanent, unchanging — while my entire world was shifting constantly after my diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

Mindfulness Takes Center Stage

It’s raining right now, and you’d think this would be the perfect atmosphere to write this piece. I have soft, relaxing music playing, and I can hear the pitter patter of the rain outside. Despite all this, I find writing this to be extremely difficult. I’m not used to reading my own work aloud, and the idea of doing so makes me second guess each sentence I type out.

Challenging My Comfort Zone

This summer working with Elephants and Tea has been more incredible than I could have imagined. I have gotten to work with the most wonderful people, do tasks that I love, and connect with so many new people. I never quite knew how to get connected in the AYA cancer world. I was always nervous […]

Listening to Folklore as a Cancer Survivor

If you haven’t heard the new Taylor Swift album yet, this is your friendly reminder to go check it out. I have to admit, since her style has shifted, I haven’t been following her super closely, but when she announced her new album’s release in the midst of quarantine, she had me hooked. 

Your Fear is Valid

This fear that I feel is not uncommon in this world. So many survivors and patients are struggling with this right now. People who don’t understand it may call it irrational, but what it truly is is valid. We have been through so much, so no wonder a global pandemic would bring out those fears. We’ve lived periods of our lives in which we avoided sickness as much as possible, because of how detrimental it can be when in treatment with a suppressed immune system. 

Disappearing Behind the Diagnosis

I’ve found myself pondering and writing about friendships a lot lately. I think all human beings are created for connection, and that is something that I personally crave so much. Having obstacles to that connection is so frustrating, and I’m still piecing together what life looks like these days since finishing treatment. 

Friendships Through Cancer: It’s Complicated

Although I do wish many of those friendships didn’t end the way they did, I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty for not knowing the “right” thing to do. It’s hard for anyone to figure out how to react in a situation like this, and if I’m being honest, I could come up with a huge list of what not to do and a very limited list of what to do.

Man’s Best Friend

I haven’t experienced loss to this degree before. At least when I was old enough to remember. I had no clue this would be so hard. And throwing cancer into the mix – or even the possibility of cancer – makes this so much harder. I know what it’s like to go through that. But the difference is, I made it out on the other side. 

Find What Works For You

It still hits me all over again sometimes. The fact that I had cancer. But the difference is, now I have people to turn to who feel the same way. People who are actually close to my age and have had a port, been administered chemo, gotten radiation. I might be the quietest person on those Zoom calls, but it still makes such a big impact on me.