Caregivers

Grief During the Holidays

It is okay not to feel Joy when you hear “Joy to World.”

At this moment, as I walk through the stores and hear “Joy to the World,” I have a visceral reaction: I shudder. I want to walk out of the store and roll my eyes. I am not a grinch. I love Christmas; it is one of, if not my favorite holiday.

Complicated Grief

Complicated Grief: When Losing a Parent to Cancer and Parental Alienation Collide

When my husband died from complications of cancer 13 years ago, I endured the relentless waves of grief that young widows and widowers are forced to ride when we lose a partner and the parent to our young children. Not only do we mourn their partnership and all our shared future dreams, but we also mourn the parent our kids have lost, and the significance of that parent/child relationship our children will never get to experience.

The Moment . . .

Have you seen a soul enter this world? 
Have you felt a room fill with the energy of new life? 
You can feel it. 
The moment this tiny being joins you on this side, the room changes. 
There is an electricity, a palpable jolt that all who are privileged to be present get to feel. 
It is magic. 

Sisterhood of the Matching Scars

As I step out from the shower and wipe the condensation from the mirror in front of me, I see a woman who has been through more than anyone my age should have ever had to endure. Five scars—from my breasts to my lower abdomen and from countless biopsies and two different surgeries. Four permanent tattoos from radiation sprawled across my chest.

The Cost of Caregiving: Survivor’s Guilt

If I could turn back time, I certainly would. I try not to live life in the rearview, yet, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I also believe that we learn from our past so that we can focus on our future more intentionally. However, after losing a loved one to cancer after years spent caregiving, I have admittedly experienced some survivor’s guilt. It has washed over me in waves and disrupted the life and identity I once had.

Living at a Crossroads: Juggling Caregiving and College

Just a few weeks after dropping me off for my first semester of college in 2014, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. Suddenly I had two lives. One where I was home taking care of him and trying to support my mom. The other was at college, where I juggled the guilt of not being present at school with the shame of not being there for my family.

Dear Cancer, We Acknowledge You

Dear Cancer,

I wish I could paint you as a villain, as so many others have. I wish I could wear the F*$& CANCER shirts and personify myself as a WARRIOR and pretend that cancer is an adversary that can be conquered if you just try hard enough, truly believe, and stay positive. But Cancer, you are not that villain.

Finding Grace Through Grief 

The first time I remember experiencing grief we were visiting my grandfather in hospice. I was ten, he had prostate cancer, and we were there to say goodbye. It was shocking to see how much he had changed.

A Horrible Nightmare

May 24th started like any other regular Sunday morning. I had just returned from a trip and was catching up with my dad, stepmom, and younger sister, telling stories while drinking a cup of coffee. Our light and giggly conversations about the weather and our dinner plans for that night quickly took a turn as I heard the words, “There is something we have to tell you.”

My Place in the Family of Things

My Place in the Family of Things: How Nature Helps Me Cope as a Caregiver. “Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting – over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” – Mary Oliver