Caregivers

The Cost of Caregiving: Survivor’s Guilt

If I could turn back time, I certainly would. I try not to live life in the rearview, yet, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I also believe that we learn from our past so that we can focus on our future more intentionally. However, after losing a loved one to cancer after years spent caregiving, I have admittedly experienced some survivor’s guilt. It has washed over me in waves and disrupted the life and identity I once had.

Living at a Crossroads: Juggling Caregiving and College

Just a few weeks after dropping me off for my first semester of college in 2014, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. Suddenly I had two lives. One where I was home taking care of him and trying to support my mom. The other was at college, where I juggled the guilt of not being present at school with the shame of not being there for my family.

Dear Cancer, We Acknowledge You

Dear Cancer,

I wish I could paint you as a villain, as so many others have. I wish I could wear the F*$& CANCER shirts and personify myself as a WARRIOR and pretend that cancer is an adversary that can be conquered if you just try hard enough, truly believe, and stay positive. But Cancer, you are not that villain.

Finding Grace Through Grief 

The first time I remember experiencing grief we were visiting my grandfather in hospice. I was ten, he had prostate cancer, and we were there to say goodbye. It was shocking to see how much he had changed.

A Horrible Nightmare

May 24th started like any other regular Sunday morning. I had just returned from a trip and was catching up with my dad, stepmom, and younger sister, telling stories while drinking a cup of coffee. Our light and giggly conversations about the weather and our dinner plans for that night quickly took a turn as I heard the words, “There is something we have to tell you.”

My Place in the Family of Things

My Place in the Family of Things: How Nature Helps Me Cope as a Caregiver. “Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting – over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” – Mary Oliver 

Don’t Be a Hero (You Already Are)

Your child was just diagnosed with cancer, and my heart goes out to you. Diagnosis day is a day forever imprinted in your soul — “D-Day” in our house: January 6th, 1999. I’ll never forget that wash of shock, fear, and utter paralysis when our daughter’s oncologist called us at home with the news: Cecilia had leukemia.

Learning to Love Through Loss

After a decade of chasing our dream, we were finally living it. We had amazing friends and family, built three businesses and fostered an abundant community surrounding coffee and bikes. That’s when it all fell apart.

Is it up or down from here?

Is it up or down from here? Think of a physical rollercoaster for a moment. Now, I will be the first to admit – I am terrified of rollercoasters, and rollercoasters are a trigger for my anxiety, but for this article rollercoasters provide the best analogy. If someone invites me to the fair or amusement […]

Untangling Survivorship Together

At the end of May 2005, my boyfriend Andrew was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia (ALL). He was twenty-two years old. I was twenty-three. Of all the things we were supposed to worry about in our early twenties, cancer was not supposed to be one of them.